Apparently that is true of me. I would never have guessed. Before I really get to what this is about though, I want to write about humility.
Humility is one of the great virtues of life. As a Christian, familiar with the Bible, it has multiple exhortations towards developing humility and being humble. I am currently leading a Bible study on Philippians and there is a well known and remarkable poem in chapter 2 that uses Jesus Christ as the prime example of humility in an effort by apostle Paul to point the Philippians of ancient Greece towards greater humility.
Looking back over my life, I can think of many things that, not to sound like I am bragging, have helped to keep me humble. In the first place, although my parents were a pastor and teacher, respectively, they both came from a rural farm backgrounds. Again though, my paternal grandfather was also a teacher.
Then, the first 16 years of my life were spent in small rural, largely indigenous communities. My parents impressed upon me, and I saw for myself, the skills and abilities our neighbours had to live and thrive in what was sometimes a harsh environment in what we called Northern Manitoba. I think our teachers challenged us as well as they could, and perhaps it was as much a reflection of the time as the environment in which I was obtaining my education, that I never really learned to be a questioner and debater. That may also have simply been part of my personality.
One of the first things that I remember on this pathway of humility was when, in Grade 6, one of my indigenous classmates scored higher than me in mathematics. Previously, I had generally had the highest marks in my class.
When we moved to the city and I began high school there, in Grade 11, although English and Composition had not been my strengths, I never even achieved 65 in Grades 11 or 12. Physics was also a challenge. However, I worked at it and my marks improved steadily as the year went on. I got top marks in geometry and algebra in Grade 11. Then, the double whammy of losing our mother and my missing school subsequently because of mumps, had a considerable negative impact on my Grade 12 mathematics and sciences scores.
Even from early childhood, another thing that I would say helped keep me from too much pride was that I never was much of an athlete. Here, most of my classmates could do better than me. I never captured too many prizes, if any, in our annual school field days. Just the same, I did not do too badly in soccer and particularly in volleyball where, even though I may not have been so good at defence, I could rack up the points with my height and scoring from the back line when I served.
My three years at Bible College were good. However, when I returned to math and sciences after this interlude, I again struggled. I only got 50 in first year math.
By the time I had gotten my Bachelor of Science degree, I was wanting to get into medicine. I always blamed part of my inability to get marks as good as I could have because I had to work part time to support myself and pay my tuition. That cut into study time. But, honestly, maybe I was having too good of a time with life and friends too.
Then, I did not get into medicine on my first two tries. After I did get in, when it came to second year I, along with a good friend, failed my midterm. We did pass the oral makeup exam though. I managed to get through the rest of my medical education without incident and did pass the license exam, even though I knew I did very poorly on one question. In some ways, I am not one to be aggressive, and I left a pregnant lady with abdominal pain too long, and she miscarried. Then, after a two-year residency in Family Practice, I did not make my family practice certification exam and had to appeal it.
Overall, my preceptor and mentors always let me know that academic excellence did not always equate with other aspects of being a good physician, such as one’s personality and ability to relate to people. I did well in that regard.
Then, after 12 years of family practice, I fulfilled an original aspiration of going into psychiatry. Here again, when I had been encouraged to go into child and adolescent psychiatry, halfway through my first rotation, my preceptor indicated to me that he was not sure I was cut out for this. Perhaps he was playing a mind game and trying to get me to work harder because with the same preceptor at the end of the rotation, I did very well. Again, there was one other mid-year interview exam I failed and had to redo. At the end of the four years, I passed my fellowship exam with no evidence of a problem, so that was affirming.
Just the same, in my eyes, comparing myself to classmates and then colleagues, I always had a sense that a good many, if not most, were beyond me when it came to academics and skill development. There were also incidents in my career that were challenging and raised questions. Not that these had anything really to do with the safety or well-being of my patients.
When I look back on my life and career, I have recently come to the conclusion that I was somewhat more of a manager than an innovator. It brings me back to a remark my nursing supervisor made when I was a nursing orderly working my way through my pre-med. She knew I wanted to go into medicine and challenged me to look more into how things could be improved in the fields in which I found myself. To some extent, I always did have my eye on that subsequently.
Some time ago, I heard the tale of a church member whose fellow parishioners at one point rewarded him for what they saw as his humility. They presented him with a pin that said “I am humble.” Maybe it was partly a test. When he wore it to church next Sunday, they asked for the pin back! You don’t brag about being humble.
I will say I have never been one to put forward that I am a physician. I never wanted that to interfere with people taking me for whom I am. Many who have crossed my path never knew that about me. Some years ago, a new acquaintance who has become a dear friend, told my wife, she would never have guessed I was a doctor. In her experience in a previous church where there had been physicians, she felt they ‘had their noses in the air.’ She had not seen me that way.
After retirement, which is now nine years ago, it seemed that I was experiencing more of new or the same symptoms that to me had long indicated a certain degree of possible problems with attention and certainly memory. Some of that I know is normal with aging. There were things in these areas though that made me wonder if I was beginning the long slow slide into dementia. Therefore, I spoke to an erstwhile colleague and managed to obtain a full cognitive assessment.
The results I finally got today, three months later for reasons I did not explore, were really quite reassuring. My examiner did not feel I had ADHD, nor did she feel I had any signs of cognitive impairment.
What she told me first off in giving me the results though, was that I had done very well. When I think over what I heard next, and then read in her report, I am glad I never knew this until after my retirement, when it is really no longer that relevant anyway. She told me almost right at the beginning that I am one of those one in 1000 when it comes to my IQ. I'll leave you to figure out what that might mean numerically, but let’s just say that I could have applied to Mensa if I ever thought I was anywhere near that realm or wanted to be part of it. I still have no desire to do so. I will still be me, the boy from the prairies and the north.
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