One in a Thousand

Apparently that is true of me. I would never have guessed. Before I really get to what this is about though, I want to write about humility.

Humility is one of the great virtues of life. As a Christian, familiar with the Bible, it has multiple exhortations towards developing humility and being humble. I am currently leading a Bible study on Philippians and there is a well known and remarkable poem in chapter 2 that uses Jesus Christ as the prime example of humility in an effort by apostle Paul to point the Philippians of ancient Greece towards greater humility.

Looking back over my life, I can think of many things that, not to sound like I am bragging, have helped to keep me humble. In the first place, although my parents were a pastor and teacher, respectively, they both came from a rural farm backgrounds. Again though, my paternal grandfather was also a teacher.

Then, the first 16 years of my life were  spent in small rural, largely indigenous communities. My parents impressed upon me, and I saw for myself, the skills and abilities our neighbours had to live and thrive in what was sometimes a harsh environment in what we called Northern Manitoba. I think our teachers challenged us  as well as they could, and perhaps it was as much a reflection of the time as the environment in which I was obtaining my education, that I never really learned to be a questioner and debater. That may also have simply been part of my personality. 

One of the first things that I remember on this pathway of humility was when, in Grade 6, one of my indigenous classmates scored higher than me in mathematics. Previously, I had generally had the highest marks in my class.

When we moved to the city and I began high school there, in Grade 11, although English and Composition had not been my strengths, I never even achieved 65 in Grades 11 or 12. Physics was also a challenge. However, I worked at it and my marks improved steadily as the year went on. I got top marks in geometry and algebra in Grade 11. Then, the double whammy of losing our mother and my missing school subsequently because of mumps, had a considerable negative impact on my Grade 12 mathematics and sciences scores.

Even from early childhood, another thing that I would say helped keep me from too much pride was that I never was much of an athlete. Here, most of my classmates could do better than me. I never captured too many prizes, if any, in our annual school field days. Just the same, I did not do too badly in soccer and particularly in volleyball where, even though I may not have been so good at defence, I could rack up the points with my height and scoring from the back line when I served.

My three years at Bible College were good. However, when I returned to math and sciences after this interlude, I again struggled. I only got 50 in first year math.

By the time I had gotten my Bachelor of Science degree, I was wanting to get into medicine. I always blamed part of my inability to get marks as good as I could have because I had to work part time to support myself and pay my tuition. That cut into study time. But, honestly, maybe I was having too good of a time with life and friends too.

Then, I did not get into medicine on my first two tries. After I did get in, when it came to second year I, along with a good friend, failed my midterm. We did pass the oral makeup exam though. I managed to get through the rest of my medical education without incident and did pass the license exam, even though I knew I did very poorly on one question. In some ways, I am not one to be aggressive, and I left a pregnant lady with abdominal pain too long, and she miscarried. Then,  after a two-year residency in Family Practice, I did not make my family practice certification exam and had to appeal it.

Overall, my preceptor and mentors always let me know that academic excellence did not always equate with other aspects of being a good physician, such as one’s personality and ability to relate to people. I did well in that regard.

Then, after 12 years of family practice, I fulfilled an original aspiration of going into psychiatry. Here again, when I had been encouraged to go into child and adolescent psychiatry, halfway through my first rotation, my preceptor indicated to me that he was not sure I was cut out for this. Perhaps he was playing a mind game and trying to get me to work harder because with the same preceptor at the end of the rotation, I did very well. Again, there was one other mid-year interview exam I failed and had to redo. At the end of the four years, I passed my fellowship exam with no evidence of a problem, so that was affirming.

Just the same, in my eyes, comparing myself to classmates and then colleagues, I always had a sense that a good many, if not most, were beyond me when it came to academics and skill development. There were also incidents in my career that were challenging and raised questions. Not that these had anything really to do with the safety or well-being of my patients.

When I look back on my life and career, I have recently come to the conclusion that I was somewhat more of a manager than an innovator. It brings me back to a remark my nursing supervisor made when I was a nursing orderly working my way through my pre-med. She knew I wanted to go into medicine and challenged me to look more into how things could be improved in the fields in which I found myself. To some extent, I always did have my eye on that subsequently.

Some time ago, I heard the tale of a church member whose fellow parishioners at one point rewarded him for what they saw as his humility. They presented him with a pin that said “I am humble.” Maybe it was partly a test. When he wore it to church next Sunday, they asked for the pin back! You don’t brag about being humble.

I will say I have never been one to put forward that I am a physician. I never wanted that to interfere with people taking me for whom I am. Many who have crossed my path never knew that about me. Some years ago, a new acquaintance who has become a dear friend, told my wife, she would never have guessed I was a doctor. In her experience in a previous church where there had been physicians, she felt they ‘had their noses in the air.’ She had not seen me that way.

After retirement, which is now nine years ago, it seemed that I was experiencing more of new or the same symptoms that to me had long indicated a certain degree of possible problems with attention and certainly memory. Some of that I know is normal with aging. There were things in these areas though that made me wonder if I was beginning the long slow slide into dementia. Therefore, I spoke to an erstwhile colleague and managed to obtain a full cognitive assessment.

The results I finally got today, three months later for reasons I did not explore, were really quite reassuring. My examiner did not feel I had ADHD, nor did she feel I had any signs of cognitive impairment.

What she told me first off in giving me the results though, was that I had done very well. When I think over what I heard next, and then read in her report, I am glad I never knew this until after my retirement, when it is really no longer that relevant anyway. She told me almost right at the beginning that I am one of those one in 1000 when it comes to my IQ. I'll leave you to figure out what that might mean numerically, but let’s just say that I could have applied to Mensa if I ever thought I was anywhere near that realm or wanted to be part of it. I still have no desire to do so. I will still be me, the boy from the prairies and the north.

2024 12 2

Telling Our Stories: My Story 1 - Coming Full Circle - back to faithfulness, patience, humility & simplicity

Telling Our Stories

My Story 1 - Coming Full Circle

I grew up among ordinary people. Perhaps some of them wish to see themselves otherwise. Certainly, they were generally hardworking. There are innovators among them, even successful entrepeneurs and businessmen. By and large though, they were, notwithstanding my mother and paternal grandfather being teachers, and my father a pastor, all individuals of minimal education. The people I descended from were mostly farmers. Then ones I lived among were hunters, trappers, and fishermen.

Perhaps that is why I never became a person of big words or fancy phrases. I am not an intellectual. I did go on to become a medical specialist and even in training there was told I needed to use more of the vocabulary of the specialty; in plain words, psychiatric jargon in my case. I probably never totally satisfied some of my teachers in that regard. Some of it was me, some of it was my purpose.

I grew up then among simpler people, and I do not say that negatively at all, as I believe there is virtue in that, as some today are rediscovering. My roots are Anabaptist/Mennonite and humility and simplicity were values in that circle. To some extent there was even a bias among some of my ancestors against higher learning and the pretension it was felt often accompanied that. You’re never popular if you make it too evident you’re trying to be above your roots. 

This last was also a characteristic of the Metis and First Nations people; the other groups among whom I grew up, many of whose first language was not English. They, in many instances, just did not have the privilege - “white” I learned later in life I had. I have to credit my parents for not letting us think we were any different than these neighbours, classmates and friends. Indeed, unlike far too many of my settler colonist ilk, they never said a negative word about them.  

On the other hand, a lot of their good qualities were highlighted and I learned from that. Sharing was a big thing in that economy. Those who had, shared. Patience was also a solid virtue. No one can outwait an Indian, as we called them then. Their self-effacing attitude and associated wit also helped in the cultivation of humility. These are also Christian virtues.

All of this is part of what made me determined to always try and express myself so that the message got across simply enough. When I got into medicine I concluded this was especially important. We knew, in the profession, we were being taught a language that was esoteric to most. That made me all the more determined to keep my language at a level those I served could understand. This was true for medicine and also for language related to the Bible, church and theology. I remember one fellow church member once saying it was felt to be an asset or even gift to be able to communicate in more dense church language. I don’t understand that from a Teacher whose advice in the Sermon on the Mount, the manifesto of the Anabaptists, was to keep your communication to Yes and No. 

So, now, entering my eighth decade, some in the Church are coming around to a place that some of our people never left. The days of the evangelistic crusade, the televangelist and the mega church have lost their lustre. As the authors of “The New Parish” Sparks, Soerens and Friesen write, it’s time to get back to our neighbourhoods. Too long we have believed the lie that we could live ‘above place,’ disconnected from our neighbourhood, our land, our world. Our churches are consumer-oriented - yes, some even use the phrase ‘user-friendly’ - and commuter-based. They are not community churches in many instances. It’s also time to reclaim the virtues of patience, faithfulness and humility, as Alan Kreider writes in “The Patient Ferment of the Early Church.” Our mission, and the church lived this for the first 3 centuries before the Roman Empire co-opted the church, was simply to be faithful. That was enough for the empire to fall before the church. Unfortunately, the church became swallowed by the empire and we were subjected to 1700 years of Christendom. Now that is fading, and it’s time to get back to basics. 

Big is not always better. Indeed, Jesus’ whole mission and demonstration of who God is tells us that, but we lost sight of that. Now, I am going to delve into “Shrink” by Tim Suttle and see what that adds to what I have read this last year that so resonates with me and what I have been trying to be about and seeking for in life. Thanks be to God, the truth is still out there and it will make us free. Jesus said that,.. but of course you knew that.