Telling Our Stories II - The Ones We Have Told

In the previous posting, I emphasized how and why we as Mennonites have not told our stories. However, that is not entirely true, as I alluded to there.  In fact, our early history from the 16th and 17th centuries is well and tragically recorded in the large volume known as The Martyrs Mirror. In fact, next to Fox's Book of Martyrs, which gruesomely recounts stories of martyrs for the Christian faith from earliest times onwards, this is probably one of the most prominent such collections. Somehow, and perhaps this speaks to the suppression of our storytelling, we had a volume of the latter at home, which I read in as a child, but not the former! I must confess that I still have not read the former. It can be an inspiration to others to see how people were willing to die for their faith, particularly as it documents many of their testimonies prior to and as they were dying. These were not just the educated or radical leaders either. They included very average people such as housewives and mothers.

However, as I indicated, that persecution led to the suppression of our storytelling. It was not until we began to move from the USSR to other parts of the world beginning in the late 19th century, but especially after the Russian Revolution and World War II, that we Mennonites found ourselves in environments where we were more free to tell our stories. The result has been a fairly large outpouring of stories of individuals, families, and our leaders. Their suffering in the USSR and elsewhere and how they saw God at work in leading them out of these situations are dominant themes in many of these books. Others, including a couple of my uncles, have written about how they saw God move in their own lives and their work in this country and elsewhere in this century and the last.  There are also now books written by and about the spiritual leaders of our faith where we ethnic Swiss/German/Dutch-origin Mennonites mostly have found ourselves in North America. However, I do not think many of them are no one much beyond our own circle. 

Of course, we must now always keep in mind that because of our missionary efforts around the world, telling us that our storytelling has not been suppressed as much in some parts of the world as it is where we come from, there are more non-ethnic Swiss/German/Dutch Mennonites in the world by far than in the former and original category. Yes, with some of the religious freedom given in Russia and subsequently in North America, missionaries began to go out in the 19th century. Others actually also went from the Netherlands, where the Mennonite church was still quite active prior to World War II. Sadly, since then, along with much of the church in Europe, as people questioned where God was through all of the horrors of 2 world wars, the Mennonite church in the Netherlands is very much on the wane. that has been a stronger presence maintained, although to a small degree, in Switzerland, where are movement began. In Germany, with the advent of many Mennonites moving there who escaped from Russia/the USSR, during and after World War II, there has been somewhat of a revival of Anabaptism, although some of it very conservative and not that true to some of the original teachings and values.

Another form of storytelling, if we can call it that, that has become very prominent in Mennonite circles is collecting family trees and genealogies. However, too often, the majority of these volumes are taken up by pages and pages of schematic diagrams of who descended from who and who married who etc. I always have to think of a scriptural quote from Titus 3:9 in connection with this: "But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain." (KJV) What the writer is referring to here is a point that we need to keep in mind. We can say all we want about the wonderful faith of our forefathers, but if we do not make it our own, it loses its value for ourselves.  So, as much as I like to know my genealogy, and have even worked on it, I always have the thought at the back of my mind, that this interest is not something we should overdo. I have always wished that GE's genealogies contained much more of the space stories of the members whose names are on those many pages. That would have so much more meaning and hopefully impact on the descendants who even bother to look at those volumes nowadays. For too many of our Mennonite descendants, many of whom still like to call themselves Mennonite even though they openly say they are not members of a Mennonite church, these genealogies may pique their interest in determining their roots, but they don't really care about the faith stories either.

It is the faith stories that I am more interested in.

Telling Our Stories I - or - Why We Don't Tell Them

This morning's devotional in our Mennonite Church publication Rejoice urged us to tell our stories as witnesses where God has acted in our lives. This is something that I have also frequently talked and perhaps written about. Indeed, I have even given related sermons. Indeed, there are writers in society at large to mourn the decline of storytelling. Like so many things in our world, including music and sports, storytelling is something that is relegated to professionals as in movies and novels.

There are those in our Mennonite circles who have written and continue to write about where God has acted in their lives. Much of this has focused on their deliverances from untenable living situations in the USSR. Many of those storytellers are passing on, and many untold stories with them.

Sometimes stories are not told because the telling is too painful. At other times, it is because we think our stories are such that no one else would be interested in hearing, or understanding them. Some people are not sure they have a listener.  When it comes to we as Mennonites telling our stories, we have sometimes talked about how this function has declined in our circles because, in order to live peaceably, we agreed, in essence, at various places and times in our history, as we moved about to escape persecution, not to tell our stories, at least not to those beyond our circles.  The larger world and the dominant church in the world in those days in particular, meaning either Catholic, Reformed or Lutheran  denominations, was not interested in our version of how God worked in the world and in our lives.  So, we became known, amongst ourselves at least, as "Die Stille im Lande,"  "The quiet in the land."

In our Western society today, with its emphasis on pluralism and tolerance, religious freedom and separation of church and state etc., telling such stories continues to be frowned on. It is one thing to have one's own belief, and that is accepted, but it is not accepted to tell others about it, particularly if there is a motive of wanting them to convert to your religion. We often hear the expression in our society that religion and politics are 2 topics that are kept out of polite conversation. Indeed, in many parts of the world, such activity is outlawed and Christians are put to death for breaking those rules. 

A prominent Canadian lawyer recently epitomized the view in Canada when he clearly stated, as a well-trained lawyer would do, that in Canada we accept the right of people to believe what they want. However, when it comes to acting on those beliefs, the laws of the land supersede because those actions might impinge negatively on others. He was speaking about a recent situation in BC where Trinity Western University (TWU) continues to fight for the freedom to educate professionals in a Christian setting where they are requested to abide by certain covenants that govern behavior. The one in question here was to refrain from homosexual activity. A number of lawyers and provincial law societies do not want TWU-trained lawyers to be able to practice simply because their training is in a school where that is part of the code of conduct. As representatives of the school have said, that does not mean that homosexuals cannot attend their school, and indeed due in graduate. 

This lawyer's attitude, in my mind, illustrates a basic misunderstanding of the role of religion in a person's life. Indeed, sometimes I think we should leave the word religion to refer to certain faith-based practices, rituals and celebrations, that the religious can do amongst themselves, without really at risk of infecting others. Indeed, sometimes these aspects have come to be seen as more cultural and accepted as expressions of that, then arising from religion.  For such reasons I have sometimes said that we really should not use the word religion when we are talking about our faith and way of life.  

True religion, as we Anabaptists know, includes a way of life. That was one of the big differences between our spiritual ancestors and the church at the time. There was little emphasis on living a life of discipleship as Jesus taught. Some have pointed to how the accepted creeds of the day fostered this by referring to the Trinity, God is creator, then Jesus' miraculous birth at the beginning,  before jumping to refer to his death and resurrection, saying nothing about the years in between and all of his actions and teachings and what the meaning of all of that was.

The White Man Says Walk

Gabor Mate, in his book In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts (Vintage, Canada, 2008) recounts how he happened to arrive at an intersection in Vancouver's Downtown Eastside where he works, at the same time of as one of his aboriginal patients. When the light changed, she said with typical indigenous humor, "The white man says walk." She probably didn't realize how much one could read into that statement, especially when you match that with the red hand that first flashes a warning and then becomes solid, saying "Don't walk."

Our aboriginal hosts, when we as European settlers first came here, and now as our neighbors, our ancestors and ourselves having extensively settled what was their land, have often held up flashing red hands of warning. They told the new arrivals what was safe to eat and not. They told them what was good to use for medicine. They even advised our forefathers where not to travel and where not to settle, e.g. in the flood pains of our rivers. However, we did not heed them so now you have extensive floods threatening our cities and rural lands such as Winnipeg and the Red River Valley on a regular basis.

Today, the flashing red hands are more likely to refer to government and business plans to exploit natural resources such as with mining, or to build pipelines across their lands to transport oil. More recently, the hands have been held up to try to get government to reconsider legislation that no longer protects our water supply as it once did.

Our First Nations neighbors have always had a different understanding of their relationship to creation and the land then most of the rest of us who have come to this land have. They see themselves as an integral part of the web of creation. Europeans and their descendants who settled the Americas, coming from what was then regarded as a major bulwark of Christendom, inherited a worldview based on a certain interpretation of passages from the Bible that formed the basis of their beliefs of what it means to "subdue… and have dominion over" the earth and its other creatures (Genesis 1:26-28). Unfortunately, we have not done a very good job of taking care of what has been entrusted to us. It seems we have instead chosen to exploit the earth to its fullest and use up resources that are there as fast as we can, especially nowadays when our society seems to have become even more materialistic and greedy. As my colleague's patient said, "The white man says walk." In other words, the white man has chosen to understand "subdue and have dominion" as giving them free license to  "walk all over" the earth in the negative sense in which that phrase is often used in our vernacular these days. From the middle centuries of the first millennium of The Common Era, the white man has been "walking," exploring and pushing the limits around the world. Now, of course, some are even extending that into space.

Sometimes, the flashing red hand has become a solid red hand, and government and business plans and projects have been delayed or even stopped. My sense is that this is going to increasingly become the case if our governments and their business supporters do not change the way they view our relationship to the earth. My hope and prayer is that the open redhead that says stop, will not become the clenched red fist that we have already sometimes seen, including with arms, weapons, in it. Sometimes I fear that our government's policies towards our First Nations neighbors, who are in too many cases still being kept in Third World conditions in a country that is otherwise rated around the world as one of the most desirable to live in, will drive them in that direction out of sheer frustration. We have to be thankful that it is part of First Nations temperament to be patient and wait, but everything has its limits.

My Morning Prayer

 A few years ago, I don't remember if it was New Year's or not, I was thinking about how I start my day.  Specifically, I was thinking about what I prayed in the morning. Then I reasoned that if King Solomon, seen by some as the wisest man who ever lived, at the start of his reign, when the Lord appeared to him in a dream by night giving him the privilege of asking what he should give Solomon, asked only for wisdom, or as the RSV has it, "understanding" (I Kings 3:9; 2nd Chronicles 1:10), that I should do no less. God was so pleased with  Solomon's response that he promised him a "Wise and discerning mind; no one like you has been before you and no one like you shall arise after you." (I Kings 3:12) He also promised whole lot of other things, including "both riches and honor all your life; no other thing King shall compare with you [ and] if you will walk in my ways... than I will lengthen your life." (I Kings 3:13-14). That was not what I was thinking about when I made this decision.

I quickly realized though to that I also wanted to ask for knowledge, particularly when it came to my career. Even when it comes to our faith, there are many references in both the Old and New Testaments extolling the virtue of knowledge and encouraging us to ask for knowledge. Indeed, knowledge also figures into the original creation story with a reference to the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, which figured in the downfall of Adam and Eve (Genesis 2:17, 3:1-7). God is also referred to as a God of knowledge (I Samuel 2:3).

Then I also reasoned that I needed love. God is described as love (I John 4:8) and if I would follow him, I would need to love. St. Paul also writes tellingly in that famous passage of I Corinthians 13, verse 2: If I... understand all mysteries and all knowledge... but do not have love, I am nothing."

Somewhere along the line subsequently, I realized that another quality that is necessary, both in my professional and personal life, is compassion. This is something that is emphasized in the New Testament is a quality of our Lord Jesus Christ, with no less than 9 references to his having compassion on the people he related to.

Indeed, from that it was not much of a leap to be reminded that I need to exhibit all the "fruits of the Spirit" in my everyday life.  These are described in Galatians 5:22 as including "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

No matter how much one may enjoy one's occupation or one's life at times, there are always those moments and even mornings or days when one does not waken with the best of feelings or the greatest of motivation. Recognizing this and some of my own particular weaknesses, I began to add to my prayer requests for energy, efficiency and efficacy. I often have to remind myself of the other passage of Scripture were Paul encourage us not to be "weary in well doing" (Galatians 6:9). Along with that, I have learned that I need to ask for help with prioritization, self-discipline and even memory. The last may be a bit of a reflection of my age.  With respect to some of the preceding, it is so easy to fall back on things of selfish interest, pleasure, particularly when so much is now available at our fingertips with the computer. We really need self-discipline to resist the temptations around us and focus our energies on what we need to do as followers of Jesus. 

Of course, all of the above does not even include requests with respect to particular individuals in my circle and their needs. Anyone who is moving into my age bracket will know that that lists can be pretty long given what happens to our health when we age. So, given all of the above, what could be a simple morning prayer has gradually evolved into a much broader exercise of spiritual discipline. 

God makes us lie down?

Today was one of those not infrequent times when, reading the scriptures, something new comes at you. Just one of the reasons we refer to The Bible as The Living Word. 

I have been away and it slipped my mind that my current Rejoice devotional was running out this weekend. Consequently, Sunday, on returning to the congregation I attend for worship, I did not check for a new copy to pick up [our congregation subscribes to a certain number for members to help themselves to]. 

So, today I turned to my backup devotional - Our Daily Bread - and there it was: a new take on Psalm 23. Or, at least, one that just resonated especially for me today.

Perhaps it did so because we have a dear friend who is now laid up in hospital for the second time in as many months for a fairly severe disease that seemed to come out of nowhere. The thought did occur to me, and I have shared it with the friend, that perhaps God just knew she needed a rest. She is one of those generous persons who gives of herself to all she can - family, church and friends. She has not lacked for stress in those areas. Her 'disease' is of the immune system. Sometimes, under stress, our body turns on itself. It is giving us a message.

I am no Hebrew scholar, so I don't know the real meaning of the word translated 'make in Psalm 23:1. However, as was pointed out in the devotional, God did ordain ret for us as part of His creation plan. 

We today seem to find less time for rest than ever in our history a a human race. Our rampant individualism and materialism are just some aspects of this. People now gather in malls instead of churches for fellowship and just to be with other people. Indeed, as I have pointed out to others, the edifices our shopping centres are now housed in often look like churches of yore. Just look at the grand entrances, the massive arched windows, the steeple-like structures over the entrances or on the corners.

Indeed, if we cannot heed the fourth commandment, or God's example of Sabbath rest as described on day 7 of the Genesis creation account, sometimes He may need to make us rest. It really is a sign that he cares for us. He is our Father and he knows best. 

Seeing through a glass darkly

This is one of those weekends. Already towards the end of the week my brother-in-law in Taiwan had contacted my wife to say that the family there thought she should come back because her father was dying. She had just returned from there December 22 after being there for 12 weeks.

Then, one of our best friends locally ended up in a hospital in downtown Vancouver earlier in the week with a serious illness that they are still investigating. Her husband and I visited her this afternoon.

Finally, after dinner this evening I received an email from my brother-in law saying that our father had peacefully passed away about the time that my wife, his daughter, was waiting in the departure lounge for her trip back to Taiwan. Now, I know that going a day or 2 earlier would not have made any difference in terms of communication between the 2, in all probability, due to his state of health. However, it is always nice to be there with your loved one.

As we drove back over the bridge from Vancouver in the fog, which limits one's visibility, I was thinking about these things in conjunction with the message we heard in our worship service this morning based on Luke 13:20-21. It reminded me of Paul's statement in that famous 13th chapter of first Corinthians:

"For now we see in the mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face."

Indeed, no matter what we learn, no matter what we experience, in this life on earth, it is only a shadow of what is yet to be.

As I told our friend in hospital, our Minister to Seniors had talked in church this morning about her visit with our friend the day before, saying that even in hospital she was a positive person.  I told our friend that I could only believe that it was God's spirit in her helping her be like this in spite of her circumstances.  Even saying she was thankful for hospital food because so many people in the world have poorer food or none.  

From her talking of her hospital experience and the staff's responses to her, I could tell that even the staff, at all levels, are encouraged and blessed by her positive presence there. That is a good thing, I said. So, there is a good reason for her being there, besides her condition getting properly so she gets diagnosed properly and then receives the treatment she needs. I am sure the staff from the doctors and the nurses on down to the housekeepers and kitchen staff need some affirmation.  Too often they hear complaints because, of course, most people who are ill and in the hospital are not very happy.  We even heard some of that on the elevator from a former employee who was in a wheelchair on her way down with us after our visit was over.  So, I said, you are a blessing to the people around you, just as they are trying to help you.

How this connected with the message this morning is like this. A visiting Pastor (we are in the middle of a pulpit exchange process) spoke about where Jesus tells the parable of the kingdom of God being like a woman who puts leaven or yeast in dough and the whole mixture was eventually leavened. According to her interpretation, sometimes we are busy and working hard putting in the leaven or yeast. Sometimes those are difficult times when God is testing us. I know my friend has been through that with family struggles and now with her own illness.

Then there are the times when we just have to sit and wait for the yeast to make the bread rise. That is like the times we have to be patient and wait for God to do what he wants to do with us. I told my friend that perhaps God knew she needed time away in hospital from all of the stress to let others do things for her and with her and let the yeast do its work. Sometimes interruptions like that in our lives, as much as we may not understand and appreciate them at the time, are a way God uses to get our attention and show us something.

Of course, the yeast is a metaphor for the Spirit working in our lives, in the life of the church. The Parable tells us the Spirit continues to work and the kingdom continues to grow in spite of ourselves. It reminds us that this is God's work and it is not as dependent on us as we sometimes think.

After I left, I wrote back to my friend, addressing it to a hospital address from which the hospital apparently prints and distributes the emails to the patients as a modern-day greeting card:

“We will continue to pray for you and the doctors and nurses working with you, just as the 3 of us did together before we left. We know you are in God's hands and it seems that you are in good human hands there too. God has prepared them for you so let us give thanks for them and for a place like this that can help us in our time of need.”  

Dragon Bloopers

Dictation System Bloopers

When I started writing what since has turned into this essay, I had a private psychiatric practice that was both small and part-time. Eventually, it seemed that it was wisest to go with a dictation/voice recognition system rather than a live secretary.  Actually, the preceding sentence was to read ‘dictation system’ but came out ‘patient system’.  However, my wife, who functioned as my part-time secretary then, would argue that my patients sometimes did seem to run my practice.

I have been using a dictation system for years now, with mixed results. With a slower than recommended processor, and smaller than desirable random, (random was what the dictation system recorded, which is not that far off - I meant RAM) it was a slow process initially.

On the one hand, I have been impressed with its ability to come up the first time with words such as  "obsessive-compulsive," and even  "neurovegetative." How it came up on the first try with correct spelling of the Italian-origin name for our psychologist at the time, Narducci, is beyond me. On the other hand, as a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist whose bread-and-butter is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, which it eventually got right even with all the initial capitals, it didn't like "Ritalin" anymore then many of my patients or their parents do. It took a long time to learn to spell the name of that drug right.

It dawned on me that some of the words and phrases it came up with, as opposed to what I thought I was saying, could be entertaining.  It was then that I thought of sharing these tidbits with my fellow readers at a freebie magazine we docs used to get for our entertainment called Stitches.  Most of these excerpts are from reports that I was writing back to referring positions (ah - that was supposed to be ‘physicians;’ no offense meant…but what position might these colleagues be in when they are pleading with me to see some behaviourally disturbed child or adolescent!!!) or school professionals.

So, here are the morsels, beginning on the left with what was supposed to be said, Pavarotti the (Gee, I knew I was a great singer but how did that get in here – it’s supposed to read…) ‘followed on the’ right after the hyphen by what was said, plus some editorial comments by the author.

Debby Danyluk, the school counselor came out ‘deadbeat data luck’, the school counselor. With all due respect to my esteemed colleagues, I suspect some students would think of their school counselors in this way. Another time the Guidance Counselor, whose name was Bianca Li, came out ‘Beyond the Lead,’ which also lends itself to interesting interpretation as to where she might be in relation to where her students really are.

Restless Leg Syndrome  - restless lake syndrome—certainly changes the perspective on the nocturnal tossing and turning that might be occurring. Some poor partners of restless sleepers might think they were on a boat in a storm. The sleeper might be dreaming something similar.

Low ferritin levels - low American levels –. Is this referring to one of those rare disorders that only North Americans bother with? On a more serious note, we know even many in more-or-less affluent North America do lack nutritionally. On a related note, ferritin level came out – ‘ferrets in level.’ When I was in medical school it was ‘serum rhubarb.’ Maybe the nerds who make these programs know that abnormal conditions have gotten a lot worse/lively since. And who is it that has those ferret pets anyway? Is it true there are more of them in psychiatrically disturbed households? They do bite.

Being in terror = being in care. Unfortunately, that is too often the situation for unfortunate children. We too often hear stories about children in care being abused and even dying at the hands of their foster parents.

Flu walks a team - I didn't know fluoxetine was indicated for influenza and able to get them up and walking again, even with others, but who knows?

Little known -  does no one—that about says it, doesn’t it – in other words, does no one know of this little known disorder or drug use, where that phrase is used?

View this - presents—another pretty good synonymous choice.

Amitriptyline - enemy clean—and the trip leans – Emmy the lien – well, when you are using Elavil ® for all the not-indicated uses we do in Child and Adolescent psychiatry, it might just be an enemy, or a trip down who knows where, not to mention ‘Emmy the lien’ – there could be a lien in there somewhere if a big lawsuit came my way because of some off-label prescription that cause problems because of things like side effects.

St. Boniface Hospital (a Winnipeg hospital I often spent time in, or made referrals to from my rural practice at the time) - same ponderous hospital. Most such institutions do tend to be rather similar…and ponderous. 

Menarche – manner key – getting your menses (here my program typed ‘midseason’, which could be another new euphemism) is certainly a key that you are coming of age and should be growing up and exhibiting manners. Another time menses came out – amenities. I am sure a number of our female counterparts sometimes wish that they didn’t have these ‘amenities!’ Still on this topic, pre-menarchal came out pre-monarchal. I guess if you're not old enough to have your periods, you're not old enough to be a queen. Or did women not have menses before they got the right to be queens?  Then, if you get pain with your periods or Dysmenorrhea my dictation system wanted to say ‘basement area.’ That may well be where the ladies feel like they are with this problem.

A ‘rash from chocolate’ - harassed from chocolate. You get the idea; but that would be bothersome.

Gets tonsillitis - gets consolations. I hope so; tonsillitis is no fun.

Doesn't need a WISC. - doesn't need a ‘full of whiskey.’ A WISC (Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children) is often referred to as an IQ test.  Being full of whiskey might accomplish the same ends in some cases.

Toys in – poison. I knew the toys in my office are getting old and broken, but that bad? Or is that a reference to the germs that may be on them. Yikes,  maybe I should sanitize them.

Co-morbid – cool orbit. Venn diagrams of many co-morbid psychiatric illnesses (illnesses that can or do occur at the same time) do look cool with all those circles and orbits interlocking and overlapping.

Addition of new information - edition of new innovation. New information may need to be edited, and can certainly be innovative.

An anxiolytic - a tendency only take. Unfortunately, too many anxious people take too many anxiolytics like this, and they are then too reinforcing as a prn. Rather than taking them when they have the "tendency", they should take them on a regular basis.

Hard drugs – hard drives. Yeah, well, they can drive a hard bargain on one's life in the end.

Forceps were needed – forces were needed – true enough. You don't use forceps in the delivery if you don't need a little extra help.

Religious views – vintages views – well, to some they are.

Blaine Waldie – our Intake Worker at the time – he’d be tickled if he thought he was of “butane quality”. High-powered guy!

Fixing her computer - pitching her computer. Not too far off there often I’m sure.

Does go out – doesn’t cope. We’ve all had friends like that.

Predisposing events - previous closing. Such antecedents do close doors and reduce opportunities.

Agoraphobia – tiger phobia. It is a strong phobia. It means afraid of going out, which one would wisely be if there was a tiger nearby.

Buspirone (another medication for anxiety) – peace by her own. Who needs drugs if you can do it alone?

Etrafon - Extra Bond – yes, it is a combination product.

Parents use timeouts – pans Chinese timeouts – I’ve heard of Chinese water torture, what sort of discipline were these parents effecting that was getting a bad rap?

Autistic disorder – artistic disorder – Indeed, some of these individuals are gifted, especially musically.

Some akathisia – some activities you. There was no explanation given about the activities, which sort of parallels the experience of akathisia, which is simply an urge to keep moving aimlessly.

Olanzapine – a land subpoenaed – starting these new antipsychotics can be a big proposition, and there may also be legal undertones. Actually, that last word came out (undertows) which might not be too far off to describe what could happen.

Disturbance of Mood and Conduct - Disturbance of Food and Conduct - this diagnosis could be accounted for by the side effects of medication, namely olanzapine. Then again, depressed people often eat too much.

Child and Family Services - Child and Talent and Services - the agency would be pleased to be recognized as having talent. Sometimes I seriously wish some members of these teams had a bit more of that.

Co-operation - a wide-ranging thing – it would be wonderful if co-operation were always wide ranging, sometimes it’s quite narrow and limited in scope.

Parents - inheritance – that’s pretty close, at least in meaning.

Comma – thing-a-thing-a – could be. What use are commas anyway? While we’re on punctuation, period - thing. Indeed, a period is a thing.

Irritable and - beautiful man  - I’m not sure to whom you're beautiful when you're beautiful…

Misinterpreting – one time it was ‘life-threatening’, which could be the situation if you made a bad error in judgment. Another time it was ‘visiting everything’, which could also relate to the paranoid tendency to read too much into everything.

Karen Kroeger - caring to reviewing of the other thing – this was a co-worker’s name, and as a Community Health Worker, that could describe her task.

Murdered – deferred. If you were murdered you would have to defer. Your life would certainly be 'deferred.'

Academically – indefinitely. If one doesn’t get help for those learning disabilities, the struggles may be indefinite.

Baby-sitters – Vietnamese hitters – No offense here, nor does one want to be politically incorrect, but ouch – watch those Viet nannies.

Cognitive restructuring - cognitive refinancing – Indeed, if one changes one’s thinking, it can mean ‘money in the bank’, sometimes more than just metaphorically.

Psychotherapy – thing within the paying. Aye, there’s the rub. Psychotherapy costs, and some would say that if it doesn’t, it isn’t as effective.

Taken medication – paid in medication. Yes, well, one does have to pay generally when one takes medication. Sometimes there is a cost other than financial, such as when side effects surface. Then you are ‘paying’ in a different way for taking the medication. Also, on the topic of medication: Medication is indicated – medication invaded. Yes, our drugs are powerful and when they March into those farthest recesses of your body, who knows what happens.

Travelling this summer – travel with suffering – Ah, many a traveller would agree that being on the road can be a pain.

On depression: Depressiveness – prison mission. What more can one say about what depression sends one into? Her level of depression is not as bad - Malevolent impression is managing – that says it fairly well too. A couple of thing ears – uncommon years. Yes, they were – the whole sentence included ‘struggling with depression…” And the computer knew that, so thought it would throw a modifier of its own into the mix. Why not? Another time ‘depressiveness’ came out depressive mess, but I guess that would describe it well enough.

She is pregnant – she is non-native. I know pregnancy brings about some changes, but I didn’t think they were that extensive so as to change your identity!

Discharge – detergent – I think we do a fair job of helping our patients clear up some of their problems when they are admitted, but I won’t go so far as to say that we wash them clean away by the time they are discharged.

The child within the family – the shouting within the family. There was a teen-age pregnancy here, and shouting may have been part of the story too.

Institution and it’s staff – institution and admitting. Hey, wait a minute, I never said anything about an admission to an institution…yet. There’s the computer thinking ahead again.

Voc rehab – hope we have. Perfect. If they get the training there is more hope for their future.

Treatment Centre – incentive. Again, we hope being there would be an incentive to patients getting on with their lives as a result of treatment.

“Nag you” was meant to be the name of the meeting facilitator, Nadja, who was going to call someone to attend the next meeting again. That could be nagging.

Elective student – electric student:  it could be when they are as attractive as this one was. Ooh, did I say that?

Rich City Community Service - Every Geek Community Service:  yeah, well, that is mostly who gets referred there.

Ruled out - root out:  I guess that's pretty much the same thing

Rule out vasculitis - Bastard like This - Yeah, a vasculitis (blood vessel inflammation) can be that if it causes a lot of damage.

Subtle - thoughtful. No problem with that one, but it wasn't the word I was looking for.

Wanting to say “the star,” came out as follows, but that may have been somewhat accurate too, knowing the difficulties this boy can present: He had been ‘the scar’ in a Social Skills Group.

Dragon dictation also changed ‘blue bruise’ into bloopers. Will, finely it recognized what it was doing. It went straight to the point. If it can't get the word right it may as well name it for what it is.

ICBC - icy BC. Well, the Insurance Corporation of BC does deal with accidents that could be a result of ice in BC. And again, some clients might feel that is the kind of reception they get when they go to these officers.

I had a patient named Sakura whose name came out as ‘sexual wreck’. How did the computer know she had gender identity issues?  Another time it came out as  ‘rectum’; now that's a low blow. Somehow I don't think my computer likes this patient.

Gym - jail - for some kids, yes

Public Trustee - Custody. Interesting, that dictation program is so smart it's getting right to the point again. It's when custody issues arise that we often turn to the Public Trustee. 

Clearly – query. Somehow, I think questioning something would not suggest it was clear.

Off-topic - off coffee. This might apply to some coffeeholics who have not had their beverage for the date.

Overly swayed - overly sweet. Isn't that just the way people who try too hard come across sometimes?

“Letter sent to new department head” said this: PS I dictated this and almost sent the email out without noticing that the subject line interpreted my "congratulations and welcome" as "congratulations unwelcome!" That would have puzzled him, given what was in the body of the letter.

Richmond School Division - Richmond Screw Division. Yes well a lot of adolescents might think so.

3 students - 3 stooges. Enough said.

Lives on her bed - lies on her bed. If you lie on your bed a lot, some might think that's where you live.

The liver is improving - grooving. You might just feel that happy if a bad liver improves because that is not something that happens very often.

In discussing a student's course load, “one core course, two electives and a spare” became “… despair.  Indeed, that could be the case for an unhappy student.

Lithium and Abilify became: We will continue the lithium and vilified. Indeed, antipsychotics are vilified by some.

Minoru Place Residence, the top Personal Care Home in our city came out as follows: minimal place residence. It could indeed be that kind of a place to some of its residents and their families. We hear a lot of complaints about the level of care in institutions like this nowadays.

Talking about a community psychologist's interest in my understanding of attachment came out as “it had been his experience that most attackers did not understand it,” where attackers should have been psychiatrists. Indeed, some psychologists and others may feel that psychiatrists do attack them.

Demoniac - give money act, day money back. Not sure anyone in that category would give you your money back.

Militants - stimulants. Maybe? To someone or something.

Can't Afford Med - indeed, I had just filled out the forms to provide coverage of this patient's medications, and the name of the doctor is Kentford Nedd.

So, I was dictating my nephew-in-law's name, Javi, and it came out happy. I'll have to check on that.

" a number of us went to ‘importance’ for beverages and ‘suites’.” Tim Hortons might be important for a lot of Canadians, but even they don't rent rooms. They just provide sweets.

Facetiously came out as sheepishly. Well, perhaps one would end up looking that way if a facetious comment was misunderstood.

I was writing my brother on a point with which we have some disagreement so I said I was not looking for his full-fledged approval. Coming out of this way “fault-fledged approval” was probably appropriate under the circumstances.

Tow truck - total truck: your vehicle might be the latter (totalled) when you need a tow truck.

Mental night brethren > I won't tell my MB friends that this was how my attempt at dictating Mennonite Brethren came out.

Ace Car Rental - Nice Car Rental. I hope so, but the misleading address meant going elsewhere to actually get the car.

None of it - Nunavut. Well, some people might think this region has little to offer.

I don't know more: first try for Idle No More. 2^nd try:  I do know more. Which is right? Some critics might say those 2 responses sum up the movement.

Optimal - off the wall – huh? Well, maybe sometimes it is untried.

Dealing with addicts and studying the biblical parable of The Sewer and the Seed: my dictation for stony ground came out as phony ground, which may reflect the attitude that some clients come to the program with, avoiding things and not really want to change, so putting on a false front.

Upon starting pills, it came out stuffing. Indeed, under the situation where we are undergoing multiple trials, and the patient is still very depressed, one might want to stuff her with something that would make her better sooner.

Plenty spam – clonazepam. Indeed, clonazepam is the most powerful benzodiazepine. Some people think it causes a lot of problems too, like spam, which it can do with you become dependent on it.

Principal Maria Made It was supposed to be Maria Medic, but I guess if you have reached the level of principal, you have made it.

Life Skills turned out light skills.  Indeed, with respect to the general public they would be.

A point in your back < Iraq – Well, there are parts of the country where it might be dangerous enough that this could happen to you, although from what we hear in the news, personal injury is more likely to come from a bomb.

Only retards go here - weak tired school here. Some might say that schoolwork only "retards" end up going would be a school that would be weak or not offer much.

Lisa Toffalo, Horizons Alternative School teacher = Lisa possible. That's what she is there for, to help make things possible.

Not doing homework if he thought the teacher would reject it. This was meant to be ‘inspect it,’ but the fear is probably the same. If the patient had said this instead of me saying this about him, one could have said it was a Freudian slip.

Ferris Elementary [school] - Fairest Elementary. I am sure the staff would like their school to be known that  way.

Sulfa medication - cell phone medication. Well, maybe sulfas are somewhat outdated antibiotics nowadays, and teenagers might like cell phone medication better, whatever that is.

Pat the Wilding, I don't know her personally, she might fit that bill, but this Guidance Counselor's real name is Patsy Wilding.

Disappointment came out instead of this appointment. Maybe it was a disappointment of an Appointment.

AK disturbing at a Christmas banquet.  I really meant serving, but if you knew his history you might think AK would have been capable of the former as well.

The brat gathering - We, our family, might be that, but I really did mean the Brandt gathering. Honest I did.

So, this dictation program is called Dragon. The dragon has been a prominent feature of mythology. It is a strong, powerful, possibly even intelligent creature. This makes me wonder about Dragon Dictation. Is it that intuitive? It can hear what I'm saying and put it out there in words. Sometimes it even seems to be putting out in words what might be thought but not deemed worthy of verbal expression. Sometimes it seems to uncannily downright put out in words what my subconscious might be thinking.

Dragons in mythology were also quite scary creatures. Sometimes what the Dragon puts on paper is funny, but sometimes the way it reads things it is also is a little eerily scary.

And there you have a sampling of what I've been struggling with as I try to do up my own reports. Sometimes the Dragon also stutters, and I get a rash of words starting with two or three of the same consonants.  At other times my attempts to be articulate result in additional articles or prepositions tagged on to the ends of my words. Of course, a spell checker is generally useless in these situations, and one has to read the document over carefully. I know the odd blooper has slipped through that I am sure must have made the recipient of the report in question wonder.  I hope it didn't - I mean did -  make them laugh. 

If you enjoy these, I might be able to come up with a second installment.  However, if my system is working the way it really should, it shouldn’t be making many bloopers anymore, it should be ashamed - I mean, which would be a shame. Rats, Dragon again.