Doubt

Doubt

I always thought that I was not much of a doubter. I often wondered why. Others seem to have so many questions about God and their faith. Sometimes I tried to tell myself that it was because I taken enough of a look at all the other religions and systems of belief to know that nothing matched what I held, namely what is commonly known as Christianity.

Then I heard a sermon from our pastor that made me realize that I have perhaps been doubting all along. Indeed, my doubts may be one of the worst kinds if that is what I'm doing.

For most of my life I have felt that I was not doing enough as a Christian. In particular, I felt that I was not doing enough to share my faith and bring others to Christ. I questioned why I felt like this. On one hand, I thought it reflected my upbringing as the son of what some would call fundamentalist Christian parents. I had read and heard many times that our main task was to win souls for Jesus. I had also absorbed the message that if we did not do this, perhaps we might not be accepted when we arrived at the pearly gates.

Indeed, there were times when I looked around me and saw how so few people seem to share this opinion. Or perhaps they were just not expressing it, as I probably was not. We don't tend to broadcast what we perceive as our shortcomings. I wondered how they could not have this feeling and sometimes wished I were like them. On the other hand, I used to, perhaps self-righteously, question the depth of their commitment.

When I was younger, I had been led to believe that the "fruits of the spirit" were those whom we had brought to salvation. When I got older, I was taught that these were characteristics that believers developed as a result of the indwelling Holy Spirit. This was comforting, but I still could not get away from this other feeling of GUILT. So, all along, I have been struggling with doubt, but labeling it guilt.

At the same time, I never felt that I really felt that guilty. I did not feel a burden.

To be sure, there were times when I tried to reassure myself with the knowledge that we cannot save ourselves to matter what we do. If we have accepted the salvation offered by God, we are saved. I had accepted that. I believed that I had contentment, peace, joy and strength because of that and subsequent work of the Holy Spirit in me.

The sermon that our pastor, Tim Kuepfer, preached on May 12, 2013, helped me see this in somewhat of a new light. He put things in the large perspective of creation to eternity. The message was based on Hebrews 4:1-13. He reminded us that God created everything good and then took time to rest and enjoy that. He then told us that if we are believers, we should also be in this "rest." We should be experiencing it here and now in the present world, and not just in the future world of eternity.

Intellectually, this is reassuring. Maybe it is only in my emotions that I need to say with one of our Lord's listeners, "Lord help my unbelief." But I still ask myself, what about my responsibility to "the lost" as I had been taught from such a young age.

Speak "Chinese"!

My good, charitable, peace-loving wife did not want me to send this to the local papers, but I'll vent here. So now you know.

Going to cast our votes in the provincial election was the last straw. Who would have thought that Elections BC staff, in this country where English and French are the official languages, would speak to you first in Cantonese? Just because her ancestors left China perhaps 200 years ago - so long ago that no one any longer remembers exactly - is no more reason to speak "Chinese" to her than it is to speak Russian, Ukrainian or German to me because that is where my ancestors came from in the 19th century. I can’t tell you how many times my wife has been out in public, whether it is some community agency or even Sears or The Bay, not even some "Chinese" shop or restaurant, where she has been spoken to first in "Chinese", usually Cantonese. Just because most of the first Asian immigrants here were from Kwangtung province or Hong Kong does not mean they should assume everyone who looks like they do is from that part of China. Cantonese is only one of many "Chinese" languages, and not even the official one. Most recent immigrants are from mainland China where Mandarin is more common, not to mention the ones that come from Taiwan, Malaysia and other places who have their own dialects or speak Mandarin. My wife has even been rebuked by "Chinese-speaking" immigrants because she does not speak their particular version of "Chinese."

There have been many letters in these papers recently about immigration, language and signage. If it is any comfort to the non-Asian citizens of this city, you are not the only ones who have problems with language and signage. The problem is that we have been overwhelmed with new immigrants who have been able to open their own businesses, run in their own languages, so that they do not need "the rest of us" to survive and function. I do not think it is the case in most instances that their signage is only in Chinese because they feel uncomfortable trying to communicate in English. That may be the case, but why are they not learning English? My ancestors all learned English at a time when there was no such thing as free ESL training. Nor did they have all the other social agencies to try to help them assimilate and integrate that are available today. I am sure many of us know new Asian immigrants who have been here 20 years who can't function in English. Something is wrong with this picture. Part of the problem is that it is almost only new immigrants who can afford to purchase dwellings in the city. I guess we can only conclude that the government in faraway Ottawa really doesn't care that the western edge of the country is fast turning into China. Indeed, with the selling of our resources in places like Alberta's tar sands, maybe they don't care about what happens anywhere, as long as they and their supporters ' pocketbooks are growing fatter and bank accounts bigger.